Amidst the long drama, the usual colorful suspects did not fail to make their mark. In a speech that wil go down as one of his career’s best, Laloo enthralled the supporting and opposing members alike, in a firebrand display of political wit that, showed what had made Rabdi Devi fall in love with him years ago.

Three members of BJP took the proceedings to a new climactic turn by displaying wads of cash they accused the ruling party’s friends of bribing them with. Their target was Amar Singh, the adopted brother of Indian superstar Amitabh Bachchan, and a witty and bright man who in his own right, is a superstar of his own world.

Here are the few characters that must take the bow for making yesterday a day to remember

The Cross-voters:

1. Somabhai Patel :

father’s name: Ganda Lal (no, not Ganda Ghal)
Member, Committee on Absence of Members (knows where absent members’ playroom is)
Favourite Pastime: singing

2. Babubhai Katara :

Sports: 5000-metre sprinter at the University level (helped him run from BJP yesterday)
arrested: for human trafficking and immigration fraud

3. Brijbhushan Sharan Singh :

Favourite Pastime: Reading books which inspire national sentiments (read Bajpayee’s poems day before)

4. Chandrabhan Singh :

Social Activities: Got the statue of Awanti Bai installed at Station Chowk
Favourite Pastime: Reading Ramayana, Bhagvad Geeta and Mahabharat etc

5. Haribhau Rathod :

Special Interests: study of Nomads (soon to be a nomad himself)

6. Manjunath :

Interests: Running educational institutions to help the poor

7. Sangliana :

achievements: two non-MIZO persons have so far adopted the name Sangliana as their own through legal processes

The 3 who accused the ruling coalition of horse-trade tactics:

1. Faggan Kulaste :

Activities: encouraging tribals to keep alive their cultural activities by forming several committees

2. Ashok Argal :

Activities: Participation in community marriage ceremony of Jatav Samaj

3. Mahavir Bhagoda :

Special Interests: Helping and serving needy old widows (a widow-cleaner, if you will)

Special mention:

1. Amar Singh: The brain behind the coalition that saved Sonia Gandhi’s party, he once said this about her

“…When Prakash Karat (of the communist party) goes to meet Sonia Gandhi, it’s called suhaag raat, but when we go to meet Sonia Gandhi, it’s called balaatkaar…”

2. Somnath Chaterjee: the speaker had promised India’s press that he would make a decision on his resignation on the 22nd. When the press pressed him about it, he quipped “…I just told you the date, I didn’t say what month or year….”!

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Those who are being released from prison for today’s vote include India’s most notorious criminal politician Shahabuddin, a member of parliament from Bihar. But he is also the one politician the ruling government can trust the most. Why? Because Shahabuddin’s crime career spans a murder conviction, multiple kidnappings and many other crimes against communist opponents, the same party that put the current government in today’s precarious position by withdrawing its support. Shahabudding has a history of escaping from the police, and once even contemplated fleeing to Pakistan for refuge.

Another MP cum convicted murderer whose support the ruling party will be counting on is Pappu Yadav aka Rajesh Ranjan. He is in prison for murdering a left-wing opponent, an autobiographical detail that makes him an important ally in today’s confidence vote. Pappu Yadav is making the best of his free time today, enjoying moments with his wife Ranjeeta, also a member of parliament (who represents LJP).

Shahabuddin and Pappu Yadav, both convicted murderers, represent RJD (Rashtriya Janata Dal), a party that supports the government. Both hail from Bihar.

Sorry, I’m not done with the list of convicted murderers yet. There is yet another convicted murderer from Bihar, an MP called Surajbhan Singh, who represents LJP (Lok Janashakti Party). He has already been convicted for murdering a local farmer, and faces at least 3 dozen other cases including murders, extrortions, kidnappings and torture.

Another MP out of jail today is Atique Ahmad, a Samajwadi party MP from Uttar Pradesh, who has been charged but not yet convicted for the murder of a local politician from the Bahujan party. But Ahmad has several other murder charges and accusations against him, all relating to various local politicians. Ahmad is expected to vote for the ruling party today, but has been courted heavily by the opposition and may vote against the government.

Yet another MP out of jail today is also a Samajwadi party MP from Uttar Pradesh, and he may also vote against the government and was being courted heavily by the Bahujan party in recent days. His name is Afzal Ansari and he is in prison on charges of murdering a BJP politician. He too, is a free bird today, and may vote along with other BJP members, against the Congress government. Afzal Ansari’s grandpa, Mukhtar Ahmad Ansari, was a leader of the Congress party (the same party whose government Afzal is trying to bring down today), and at one time was the president of Indian National Congress in 1927.

The sixth and the last MP who is out of jail on this auspicious day in Indian politics, is an MP from Uttar Pradesh. He is Umakant Yadav, a gangster and a hoodlum by profession, and was arrested last year hiding inside Chief minister Mayawati’s official residence. This Yadav is from Mayawati’s Bahujan party, and although expected to vote against the government, he is said to be wooed by the ruling coalition in recent days.

No matter how many they murdered or extorted or kidnapped or tortured or grabbed land from, India’s constitution has already a vote of confidence in our jailed MPs. We believe in reprieve and redemption. And if you think that’s just too ridiculous, take heart in knowing that you may not be alone. And then marvel at this amazing experiment in democracy we have here.

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1. In Sawargaon, Maharashtra, the police arrested Bhaskar Haramkar when his own son filed a complant against the father. His crime? Bhaskar is in for murdering his wife in a fit of anger. He axed his wife because he had asked her to make tea for him, and it took was taking so long that he just couldn’t take it anymore. After he was arrested and taken to the police station, the police put him behind bars, and asked him if he needed anything. “Just give me a cup of tea”, said Bhaskar, a teatotaller who has struck fear in the heart of alcoholics.

2. Pune. Maharashtra has a new police chief - Satyapal Singh. One of the first statements he made after becoming the top cop? “Pune’s women look like terrorists“, he said, commenting on the use of headbands and scarf-odhnees by the city’s women, a common local trick to tackle dust, irritants and pollution, especially while riding bikes. Pune’s bike-riding female population isn’t very happy with their new top cop. Two years ago, Satyapal Singh talked about certain myths about terrorism in India - “…There is also a myth that many uneducated and unemployed youth and young men are attracted towards radical ideology or terrorism. This is also not correct as many of the terrorists are highly educated — doctors, engineers, pilots, management graduates and technologically savvy….”. Satyapal Singh is out looking for terrorists and if you live in Pune, at least try not to look like one.

3. In Kerala, a film director has now edited out a muslim actor from his film. Robin Tirumala has axed actor Muneer, who in his spare time, is a senior muslim league leader in Kerala. Muneer was part of a song sequence in the film, but that came under fire from several muslim politicians who opposed Muneer’s acting in the film as un-Islamic and threatened to raise hell over it. India’s biggest superstars are all muslims, and eveb Kerala’s biggest superstar Mammooty is a muslim, but nobody is speaking against him. They’re probably afraid of previous displays of anger by Mammooty, the ones like during the release of his recent hit Roudram. In reality, however, Mammootty is hardly an angry guy, a far cry from Bhaskar Haramkar, really.

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1. The initial authorization that allowed India’s nuclear scientists to begin work on their design for a nuclear bomb, was a verbal authorization that came about 2 years before the explosions, from India’s prime minister Indira Gandhi on her visit to the Bhabha Atomic Research Center near Mumbai. There was little documentation created throughout the 2-year initiative, a fact that helped keep the project a top secret.

2. A 29-year old mechanical engineer with expertise in experimental stress analysis, was part of the original team that built India’s first nuclear bomb. Today, Anil Kakodkar, is chairman of India’s Atomic Energy Commission and backs the Indo-US nuclear deal.

3. Only 3 people outside of the actual team of scientists working on the bomb, knew about the project. That made it 75 scientists, one politician (the prime minister herself), and two Indian administraive service officers (Haksar and Dhar). Haksar, One of those IAS officers, is also the person most often blamed for the 1969 split in the Indian National Congress, a previous version of today’s ruling party.

4. The scientists envisioned the bomb’s components as religious metaphors. The inner slow explosive component was said to be in the shape of a ’shivalingam’ - Shiva’s phallic symbol. The explosives were said to be placed around the plutonium sphere in the shape and form of lotus petals - the shape and form of Hinduism’s suprme deity Vishnu who sits on a lotus petal.

5. The Indian team solved many of the academic poblems on their own - just as the scientists that developed the original nuclear bomb had done a few decades earlier. The original ‘Manhattan Project’ employed about 130,000 people.

6. The initiator of the device, named ‘the flower’ was flown from Bombay to Pokhran (the actual test site) in a thermos flask, on a routine Indian Airlines flight.

7. The work was initially estimated to take 18 months, and amazingly, during the 18th month, the final assembly operation was tested near the actual site. The name of the final test - “tickling the dragon’s tail”!

8. Of the 3 outsiders who knew about the test (prime minister and two IAS advisers), both the IAS officers (Haksar and Dhar) opposed the explosion in a critical last minute meeting before the tests. Prime minister Gandhi, however, trusting the scientists and her own instincts, gave the go-ahead nonetheless. It is said the the defense minister and the external affairs minister got a few days advanced notice. (Mrs. Gandhi did not trust her defense minister Jagjivan Ram and the external affairs minister Swaran Singh almost until the very end of the project). Jagjivan Ram would never forget the insult and switched sides against Mrs Gandhi in 3 years, supporting an opposition-led government.

9. The 18th May in 1974, the day India exploded its first nuclear device, was a Buddha Purnima day, the day when Buddha was supposedly born over 2500 years ago.

10. Robert Oppenheimer, the father of the atomic bomb, quoted a verse from the Hindu scripture Gita, after witnessing the world’s first atomic bomb back in 1945 -

“…If the radiance of a thousand suns were to burst at once into the sky, that would be like the splendor of the mighty one…”

Remembering the first bomb 20 years later, Oppenheimer said this :

“…I remembered the line from the Hindu scripture, the Bhagavad-Gita; Vishnu is trying to persuade the Prince that he should do his duty, and to impress him, takes on his multi-armed form and says, ‘Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.’ I suppose we all thought that, one way or another…I suppose we all f***ed up…one way or another….”

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No, I’m not talking about making a difference to the government. I’m talking about making a difference in your own life. Isn’t that why you got into politics in the first place? Wasn’t that the idea all along? So now, as this chance of a lifetime presents itself to you on a platter and your political destiny makes a mouth-watering proposition that can finance the next 100 generations of your family tree, how do you react?

The members of independent and small-time parties have now been getting round-the-clock phone calls and propositions from the ruling party and the opposition. The propositions are lucrative. The offers are too good to be refused. But how do you donkey-trade your own future when you do not have as much information about the rest of the donkey-trade around you, making it almost impossible to predict which side will come out the winner?

Choose wisely and you can be swearing yourself in as a cabinet minister, chuckling happily about the multi-million dollar Swiss bank deposit from the previous night. Make the wrong choice and you could be swearing foul words at your shitty fortune for having missed a golden chance to redeem your fading fame.

So, for now, the Indo-American nuclear deal hinges on a handful of opportunistic parliament members, who, in the next few days, will put their own future on the line as well, at least until the next parliamentary elections. As in an ebay auction, they have a reserved figure in their mind, a figure they would be willing to sell their souls for. Which side would meet those figures earlier? And as in an ebay auction, would the seller extend the bidding process just to tease the bidders a tad more? No matter which side wins, these are good days to be a parliament donkey. Or an ass, if you will.

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So when she went missing in 1999, her husband, an officer with the local gram-panchayat in Nagina, UP, filed a missing person’s report. The woman whom everyone took for a beggar, wandered all over the country for 9 years, never once contacting her family and probably totally unaware and oblivious to the outside world.

In February this year, she was raped on the Goa-Nizamuddin Express train by a drunken passenger. When the passengers found this out, they beat up the perpetrator and handed him to the police. The disheveled woman with her clothes ripped, was sent by the Railway cops in Pune to the government hospital and that started a slow, but definite series of investigations.

When the Railway police in Pune filed a case against the perpetrator, they needed to know the name and the address of the woman, whom they had found to be mentally unstable. But during one of her rants, the Pune cops heard the mention of a town in Uttar Pradesh, and they rushed to Nagina, UP. Her husband, four daughters and a son, were eventually traced in another town nearby, having given up all their hopes.

Wandering as a beggar for 9 years, she was just another homeless beggar. Ironically, it was her rape tragedy which brought her case to the cops who could not and fortunately, did not close the file on her. Having begged for help for almost a decade, a few nameless co-passengers and a couple of night-beat railway cops, showed enough humanity to look at the homeless soul who turned out to be a mother of 5 kids and a housewife.

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The Ashram’s Supreme Guru, Asaram Bapu, himself waited more than week after the incident, before making any statement. And when he finally did make a statement, he explained the murders away by contending that the water where the bodies were found had enough water to drown the kids. So much for the spiritual Guru’s forensic expertise. He could have summoned his celestial powers to shed some light on how and why the children lost their young lives and where and why the eyewitness had been hiding for a good one week until resurfacing a hundred kilometers away, having honed and practised his eyewitness story.

The parents of the boys have claimed that the Ashram, the place where they sent the kids on abode of spiritual learning, did not come clean about the story, and did not fully communicate with them about the matter. The anguish of the parents is not hard to understand, especially considering the circumstances that they lost the kids under. It is also conceivable that there has been some miscommunication between the Ashram authorities and the parents, the whole story now muddled into a homicide or accident investigation involving at the least a security lapse on part of the Ashram, if nothing else.

But in the beginning, the Ashram authorities did not even concede on the secuirty lapse issue, and kept repeating that the Ashram , hosting several other youngsters even as of this moment, has no security flaws. Asaram Bapu, the self-realized God-agent that he is, must have been aware of the truth from day one. Assuming he does not have any more spiritual knowledge than the ordinary Joe, his followers and trustees must have told him of the incidence. He could easily have confronted the issue head on, admitting to security lapses on the Ashram’s part, and the whole issue would have remained a drowning investigation.

By keeping mum and covering up an issue as deadly as the death of two little kids, and that too for more than a week, the man who calls himself the Guru of millions of his devotees, is now under a scanner. Even though millions of his devotees are on full alert, trying very hard to muffle the truth, the spiritual journey of Asaram Bapu now faces a major test of his public relations skills. And even though the mysterious deaths may turn out to be merely accidental, the derogatory and careless manner in which the Ashram estate dealt with their own disciples’ deaths, has exposed a few mysteries about yet another cult that exploits and brainwashes gullible minds, making millions of dollars subverting whatever ancient wisdom this land has accrued.

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The temple authorities have claimed that the devotee wished for the temple to auction the cellphone and donate the proceedings to a medical charity. So the authorities, have apparently gone ahead and appraised the jewelled phone and found it to be worth Rs. 350,000 or about $8K. They believe that it may fetch several times that amount, though, at an auction.

It is not known or at least it hasn’t been disclosed who donated the diamond-studded phone to the Lord. If it is someone the temple authorities are aware of, that’s another matter. If it is a stranger or an unknown who vanished in the thick of the crowd after offering the mobile phone, that may be an entirely different matter, however.

Just last month, a bomb-like contraption, a box containing several batteries wired together, was found at the same temple. In fact, the Mumbai police are well aware that a SIMI or an al-qaeda terrorist module or a sleeper cell may be carrying orders to blow the Siddhivinayak temple which any time of the day hosts thousands of devotees.

That begs the question of how and why the temple administration would allow offerings that look like boxes, whether diamond-studded ot battery-studded. Knowing fully well that thousands of lives are being risked by every little security lapse, why is the temple administration so greedy about diamonds and jewels, publicly flaunting the offerings? Mumbai’s most famous Ganesh temple is a highly attractive target for terrorists and the next time someone puts a box saying ‘diamond-studded-phone inside’, it may not turn out to be a phone but a bomb.

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Recently the Pope, who will be attending the event, had announced that pilgrims attending the World Youth Day, will receive an indulgence, or a temporary erasing of their sins. But the large group of missing Indian contingent do not seem particularly keen on getting their sins erased. Instead, it is now coming to light, their goal was to make it to New Zealand to permanently settle there, leaving their sinful lives in India behind, for good.

Many among the Indian contingent of pilgrims went missing after they made it through the customs. Some went missing from the homes of their host families. Some others vanished from the church events they were attending along with hundreds of others. Although all the pilgrims still have valid visas in New Zealand (they all received 30-day visitor visas which are still valid), their absence from their planned events is indicative of an immigration racket originating in India.

Some of the pilgrims even confessed to an Indian cabbie in New Zealand, about their plans to disappear in their newfound country, spilling beans about the racket that cost them $17,000-30,000 each to become a part of the pilgrim contingent. That’s a pretty steep price for erasing sins, they complained to the cabbie.

Back in 1660s, John Bunyan wrote The Pilgrim’s Progress, a now famous part of English literature. He wrote about a character called Christian, who travels from the earth to the heaven. And instead of making his way to a path that supposedly will lead him to deliverance, he strays from that path, and takes another one. Whether or not the Indian pilgrims make any progress with their immigration dreams in New Zealand, the scam artists in India who charted the pilgrims’ journey, have surely made a lot of economic progress.

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The secretary of the local bishop explained the mistake away, saying that the design and layout were handled by independent outsiders, adding that this was the first such error in last 12 years.

Someone asociated with the magazine’s publication, either the designers or the editor, downloaded an image of the Sacred Heart, which is a religious devotion (a prayer form taking the form of a sacred image). The image depicts Jesus and his heart, more as an expression of his love than any anatomical depiction of a heart. Especially significant are the depictions of the two hands which can be easily altered by any ordinary but mischievous artists into holding a cigarette in the right hand and a beer can in the left hand.

The Roman catholic tradition includes prayers and devotions that are acts of reparations for insults against Jesus Christ. The devotion of the Sacred Heart is said to be closely associated withthose reparations. Ironically, the same Sacred Heart image can be found to be altered and doctored, and easily found via a simple google search. So in essence, the magazine used a parodied image of Jesus holding a cigarette and a beer, an image whose original version is used to indemnify a wrong.

Although there have been recent controversies with Islam and Hinduism regarding images or caricatures of the Supreme deities of those religions, this one involving Jesus Christ may not boil into a a riotous headache, as this may indeed have been a stupid mistake by a publication which promotes and not opposes Christianity. For Islam, the caricaturist of the image of their Supreme deity was not a muslim. For Hinduism, the artist who painted the Hindu deity’s image was a muslim. Buddha hasn’t escaped being parodied either, with his images on a Victoria’s Secret bikini model a few years ago. And then Kvickley, a Danish supermarket, did Virgin Mary in too by putting her images on the inside of slippers.

Although this one incidence in Kerala was a mistake, the others were either mischiefs or freeform artistic expressions meant to cross boundaries of some sort. I don’t see much point in getting riled up over such meaningless stupidities, but for the life of me, I cannot fathom the urge some of us have to knowingly offend other human beings, however funny or foreign their faiths seem to us.

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