Apr

30

When pigs flu

April 30, 2009 posted by indiatime | 17 Comments

The time has come
To talk of many things
Of shoes and ships and sealing wax,
Of cabbages and kings,
And why the sea is boiling hot,
And whether pigs have wings

- Lewis Carroll (Through The Looking Glass, 1872)

Looks like pigs can fly, after all. The pig flu fever that began with a 5-year old boy on a farm in Mexico, is about to grip the other side of the globe. India has now started screening passengers traveling into India’s major international airports.

Although no native cases were reported in India yet, a non-resident Indian (NRI), flying from Texas to Hyderabad, seems have brought in swine flu to India. The state of Texas borders Mexico where the pig flu outbreak is said to have begun, and the bordertowns of Texas were the first to report pig flu deaths in the United States. For now, the NRI who brought it to Hyderabad is quarantined, and said to be in stable condition.

For public health officials in India however, the coming weeks will be anything but stable. Although this is definitely not the first time pig flu has been detected in India, this will be the first time for a major outbreak that has transmitted from pigs to humans.

The easiest way to wash one’s hands off of the pig flu is to wash one’s hands with soap and water. Covering nose and mouth while sneezing/coughing is also a good idea, although many in India find it rather hard to practice. Anything easily contagious is a potential disaster waiting to happen in a country that has a billion people (A single pig flu carrier in a Mumbai train could potentially infect at least a hundred people during one single ride to work), so pig flu is a serious deal. It has killed and it can kill and it can’t be taken lightly.

Disease outbreaks were probably the last things on anyone’s mind when non-stop international flights began connecting India to the far east and the far west. Everything has consequences, ancient Indian wisdom told us. A Murphian variant of that seems to be panning out in this pig flu pandemic. If humans can fly, so can the pigs. Who knew?

Apr

29

Accidental murder in Mumbai

April 29, 2009 posted by indiatime | 2 Comments

The India Inc. is ripe with speculations and rumors about a foiled murder plot that would almost have killed one of the richest in the world. Anil Ambani, the younger one of the Ambani duo and a multi-billionaire several times over, must be grateful to a small-time technician at the Air Works office that maintained Ambani’s private chopper. That small time technician named Bharat Borge, found an open fuel cap and sand and pebbles inside the oil tank of the chopper’s gearbox, a certain sign of industrial sabotage.

Bharat Borge surely saved Mr. Ambani’s life by finding the sand sabotage, but himself met dust yesterday, and was found dead lying on Mumbai’s railway tracks. As is routine in such cases, the local government and law enforcement, who typically move around with their feet in their mouths, were quick to draw stupid and politically convenient conclusions, declaring the chopper sabotage not to be a case of corporate rivalry and maintaining Borge’s death to be an accident and a suicide at the same time.

Of course there was a suicide note found on the body of Mr. Borge, but the note failed to mention why he killed himself, instead mentioning that some people from Mr. Ambani’s Reliance company had met with him the day before. No way of knowing if those people who met and probably threatened Bharat Borge were indeed representing the company they said they were from. The suicide note also mentioned Borge’s discomfort after witnessing how the Mumbai police treated another witness in the case. That the Indian police can cause a little discomfort to their witnesses is an old fact that few would dispute. But it seems unlikely that a man who seemingly feared for his life would just go ahead and take it himself.

Did Bharat Borge know more than what he already talked about before his death? He almost certainly did. And he most certainly would have come into a substantial cash reward from Reliance and would have had his 15 minutes of fame, had their not been a vested interest involved on behalf of the saboteurs who hatched to harm Mr. Ambani.

For now, Anil Ambani’s associates have alleged that his rivals might have wanted to kill him. That would eliminate most of India’s 1 billion population, leaving only a handful of suspects. Not surprizingly, it is rather unlikely that any of those suspects would ever need to fear the local law enforcement.

What is evident so far is the habitually tepid and ineffective response of the Indian police that has, yet again, failed to protect the man in the middle of an important investigation - this time the most important industrial sabotage investigations in India. There is nothing accidental about a man in the news lying on train tracks. And there is nothing accidental about a diligent technician finding pebbles inside the fuel tank. The only accidental thing in this entire story is the accidental politicians and accidental police agencies of India - people who have no business to be governing or policing, people who have no idea how to investigate and people who routinely, willingly, unhesitatingly, and shamelessly drop the ball in every important investigation that matters to this country. These people live in a lala land where every incident, no matter how serious, is another accident.

Apr

28

April 28, 2009

April 28, 2009 posted by indiatime | 3 Comments

1. Caught redhanded taking bribe, cop swallows money
A Nagpur cop literally swallowed 1000 Rupees he had just received as a bribe, as he was apprehended right in the middle of the act by the anti-corruption department. When confronted further, the cop told the anti-corruption folks that he was acting as a proxy for his boss - the sub inspector. Both the cop and his boss were harassing people charged under attempted murder, blackmailing them into paying bribes. But the attempted murderers swallowed their pride and sought the help of anti-corruption. Attempts to retrieve the thousand Rupees were unsuccessful in spite of the cop’s stomach wash and the analyses of his urine and stools. The anti-corruption has not said if it has given up on retrieving the loot, though.

2. Father-in-law makes hoax calls posing as his son-in-law
Jaipur police have arrested Wahiduddin, for making hoax calls about bomb explosions in the city. Wahiduddin confessed making the hoax calls, but reasoned that he did that to avenge his abusive son-in-law who had been harassing Wahiduddin’s daughter. He was able to get a SIM card on his son-in-law’s name by stealing the young man’s driving license and passport picture. His plans bombed, though, when the son-in-law tipped the police about his own father-in-law. For now, Wahiduddin is behind bars, and is said to be hatching new schemes to teach a lesson to the son-in-law, and will just have to be content with sending hate mails.

3. Hungry elephants kill family
A herd of wild, hungry elephants destroyed two families and their shelters in India’s northeast. Elephants in India have said to have killed more than 700 people over last two decades. When confronted, the elephants contended that in recent years, people themselves had destroyed more than 700,000 acres of forest land and murdered several elephants.

Apr

27

feroz khanFeroz Khan, the dimpled-chinned classy he-man of Bollywood, is no more. Son of an Afghan father and an Iranian mother, Feroz Khan, born in Bangalore, took his stylish good looks to the Bollywood bank, and made a mark in the competitive world of Bollywood during its golden years.

Feroz Khan’s father Sadiq Ali Tanoli, was an immigrant whose ancestors came from the Tanawal valley near the northwestern border of Pakistan. Tanolis or Tanawals were closely associated with the Pathans, with very close similarities in culture. Only a few hundred years ago, warriors from the Tanoli clan had helped Afghanistan’s Ahmed Shah Abdali in conquering the then Delhi. In fact, it was the Tanoli clansmen who managed to defeat the mighty Maratha empire in the 1761 battle of Panipat.

By 1961, two hundred years after that battle of Panipat, Feroz Khan was set upon conquering India’s movie capital right in the heart of that same Maratha empire. In 1962, Feroz Khan and his brother Abbas (Sanjay) Khan became amongst the first Indian actors to star in a major Bollywood release - Tarzan Goes to India. The same year Feroz Khan played the hunky Indian in Hollywood’s Indian adventure, Bollywood offered him a desi flick named ‘Main Shaadi Karne Chala’ (Getting Married). For decades after that, Bollywood kept moulding this western looking Indian into an Indian lover boy, sometimes succeeding and sometimes failing Feroz Khan.

And so Khan was made to play second fiddle to Bollywood’s more accepted lover boys, sometimes playing the hero’s best friend, sometimes the spurned lover, sometimes the affectionate dacoit or an old wild west gunfighter amidst the ravines of the east. Most others would have been discouraged at not finding success in spite of good looks and an equally good command of Hindi language. But Feroze Khan pulled Bollywood’s ultimate trick, making the original Indian version of Copolla’s Godfather - Dharmatma! The actor directed and produced the movie himself, an unusual move for a mainstream Bollywood actor who, by most estimates didn’t seem like someone who should have been taking risks. Even more, he played Michael Corleone himself, doing enough justice to his part to make the movie one of the most memorable ones in Indian cinema. Amazingly, Khan got to shoot his most memorable film in the land of his forefathers - Afghanistan.

The Godfather risk paid off, and so did his next big one - Qurbani, another hit laced with memorable numbers, which most in India know by heart. Khan’s most memorable screen moments will be remembered for his on-screen romance with one of Bollywood’s most beautiful actresses - Mumtaz, whose own career sometimes mirrored Khan’s own, playing second fiddle to bigger names at first, eventually making it big in Bollywood (Mumtaz too, played a part in Main Shaadi Karne Chala - one of Feroz Khan’s earliest Bollywood films. And in 1970, both Feroz and Mumtaz got the nominations in the best supporting category, for their roles in the same film - Aadmi Aur Insaan). Their memorable on-screen romance turned into a family relation when Feroz Khan’s son Fardeen eventually married Mumtaz’s daughter, a story right out of an old Bollywood movie.

Feroz Khan died of cancer yesterday, going in peace at his favorite Bangalore farm close to his birthplace. He was a trailblazer in Bollywood, and can truly be said to be the first at several things. He was the first ever Bollywood actor who acted in a substantial role in a Hollywood movie. He was the first in Bollywood to think of creating an Indian version of the Godfather. He was the first Bollywood actor to play a race car driver (Apraadh). He was Bollywood’s own Michael Corleone, and most of all, he was also one of the first famous Khan of Bollywood. There were many after him, but he will always be the first.

Apr

26

Once again, India, it seems, has taken something that began somewhere else and has now turned it into something that appears to have become a desi past-time. Long forgotten is the story about an Iraqi journalist hurling a shoe at an American president. Since then, India’s leaders, celebrities and politicians have had to contend with several such shoes coming from students, journalists, and ordinary protesters.

Today, on the auspicious Hindu occasion of the akshay-tritiya, India’s prime minister was the latest victim of a shoe-hurler. Minutes into the prime minister’s speech at a rally in Ahmedabad, an engineering student hurled his sports sneaker at India’s prime minister, totally missing the target, but creating enough disruption and rattling every security cop.

“..It (the shoe throwing) trivializes our democracy and devalues the process…”, commented a senior Congress party spokesman. Of course it does. In recent days, other leaders such as opposition leader Advani, home minister Chidambaram, celebrity campaigners like Jitendra, faced similar wrath from crowds and have barely missed getting hit by footwear.

But such shoe-throwings are purely symbolic, really. For six decades the politicians themselves have been hurling mud and shoes and dishonoring and disrespecting the democratic process and its civility. And so too are the corrupt bureaucrats in government secretariats and the corrupt cops and the corrupt judges. The congress party spokesperson seems to have forgotten that it was only 3 decades ago, that his party stomped its big shoe on India’s democratic process, making a mockery of the constitution and throwing hundreds of thousands of ordinary people in jail. The BJP leaders still appear challenged by the notions of secularism, and the third fronts appear all set to play race cards and further devalue our democracy.

To say that the shoe-hurlers devalue democracy is a joke. Some of the shoe hurlers like in today’s incident, are probably just stupid asses who have nothing better to do. And then there are some like in Chidambaram case, who believe their grievances aren’t heard and want to shed light on their plight. I bet there will be many more shoe-hurlings in the days to come and that this form of protest is now a fixture on the Indian scene. So add this to Shoe-garlands and donkey-parades, two of the many known forms of disrespecting a human being in India.

Years ago, while visiting a local utility company office in my city, I witnessed an incident where an elderly woman in her eighties slapped a top government official right in front of his staff and colleagues. The telephone company had been sending her bills worth a few lakh rupees every month and she had tried to explain to them that she had never owned a telephone. So she calmly made an appointment with the top officer, and created a scene that set in motion the appropriate measures, stopping her being harassed by the telephone company. Sometimes shoe-throwings and slaps aren’t idle expressions, but early sparks from seething volcanoes. Advani may be lucky that it’s the former case for him. For most of India’s politicians, it is probably the latter, however.

Apr

25

The longevity of trees and men

April 25, 2009 posted by indiatime | 4 Comments

Early his morning I called an aunt of mine who lives in a city that could easily have passed for a hill station or a resort town only a few decades ago. I rang her up a little early in the morning, at least for me. Nobody picked up her land line and that had me a little worried. So then I called her cell. She answered but the ambient noise on her side made it impossible for her to listen or speak and I promised to call back and hung up.

A couple hours later, I called back the land line and this time, she picked up. “where were you so early in the morning”, I asked her. “Well, don’t you know, that’s the only hour of the day I can do things outside anymore”, she replied, “The heat is killing me, so I do all my chores between 7 and 8 in the morning, and am home before 8 am”.

The heat is killing indeed. In her town, the mercury has been romancing mid-forties (celsius). Only a decade or two ago, those mercury numbers were the territory of a cities in northwest Asia where mercury regularly moved in that range. That kind of heat has now engulfed many cities and towns in India that were once just modestly hot this time of the year. And there is something else that has happened to aunt’s town during the same time frame. There are thrice as many people, ten times as many vehicles, and one-hundredth as many trees as a few decades ago.

Ages ago, some wise men in India foresaw some of these issues, and built their ideas of religion and culture around such problems. And they tied those ideas up with the social fabric in a way that tricked people into loving their environment, the trees and plants, the animals, everyone. A case in point is the festival of karwa-chot where womenfolk tie cotton threads around banyan trees, circumvent it several times chanting folk songs and mantras, and pray for their husbands’ long lives. Only God knows if their Indian husbands indeed gained in longevity because of such festivals, but what we do know is that such practices turned the banyan tree into a regular fixture all across India, giving shade to travelers, halting land erosion, providing shelters to various avian and reptilian species. Great environmental initiatives in the name of culture and religion. Another case in point is people planting the Tulsi (holy basil) tree in their backyards. There was a time when practically everyone household in the south and the north and the east and the west had a Tulsi tree in the backyard. Such practices were more or less a religious thing for the practitioner, but in reality , a suggestive nudge to be more understanding of the environment in general.

But new wisdom is kicking in and the old wisdom is getting lost. We are smarter, brighter and more cynical about people’s longevities tied up to tree-worshipping. Or maybe not. These times need almost everyone to get into the act of treeworshipping. Not just women, but men, children, old people, babies, everybody. Come to think of it, a few more trees planted a few years ago would have made it at least 5 degrees celsius cooler than now.

Apr

24

Wives beating husbands

April 24, 2009 posted by indiatime | 4 Comments

Two women who represent the modern Indian woman:

1. The wife of a Chennai cop recently decided to give him the third degree when she found him having an affair with another woman. Not able to contain her anger over him having bought a house for the other woman, and upset with his abusive behavior and drinking, the wife and his daughter sprinkled chilli powder in the cop’s eyes, forcing him to be admitted in the local eye hospital.

2. And a Maharashtra politician’s wife beat him up at the state legislators’ local residence hostel, when she too, found her husband with another woman. Suspicious of her minister husband’s activities, the wife of the Nagpur MLA took an earlier flight and surprized the husband and his lady roommate, and beat them both up.

3. A Bangalore construction worker recently complained to the police about regular beatings from his abusive and alcoholic wife, who he says threatened to kill him if he didn’t grant her a divorce. A few months earlier, the wife had threatened him with suicide, but had changed her tactics recently, threatening to kill him instead.

4. Of course they all pale in comparison to Rajini Narayan, the Indian Australian NRI wife, who set her husband’s genitals on fire on suspicions of an affair.

5. And this wife killed her husband because he wouldn’t talk to her affectionately.

Apr

23

ABCD 2.0

April 23, 2009 posted by indiatime | 4 Comments

Two Indian Americans in the news this week.

1. Aneesh Chopra, currently the Technology secretary for Virginia, will soon be the Chief Technology Officer of the United States government. Chopra, who has a masters in public policy from Harvard, is a known innovator who has long been setting standards in governmental reform in technology policy. Some of his accomplishments include Virginia state’s open source Physics text book, an online social network for rural physicians, a government-funded initiative to push innovative ideas, a mobile learning apps development challenge, plus a lot more.

2. Anoop Desai, an extraordinary singer, who made it all the way to the final 7 of the American Idol and got eliminated last night. Anoop, a University of North Carolina graduate student, leveraged his immense singing talent, good looks and an easygoing demeanor to compete and outcroon thousands of others, becoming the first credible competitor of Asian Indian origin in the popular American Idol reality show. Though Anoop is certainly not the first Indian American to make it this far (Two years ago, Sanjaya Malakar came this close as well), he definitely was the first one who seemed to have a real shot at the prize.

Two Indian Americans representing the new horizons and ceiling-breakthroughs for the next generation of Indians who call America their home. This new generation doesn’t have the hangups, the accent, the weight of heritage on shoulders, problems with homesickness. They are fearless representatives of an emerging powerhouse in American society - the assimilated Indian-Americans, the new and improved ABCDs.

Apr

22

The selling of slumdogs

April 22, 2009 posted by indiatime | 6 Comments

After a British tabloid published its expose on the alleged sale of Slumdog Millionaire’s child star Rubina, there is a surge of concern for the little girl, the only innocent entity in this case. A trust floated by the movie’s producers has now decided to take steps to ensure some semblance of a financial future for the little girl, and private parties have also been pledging support and help to further this little girl’s education.

Several aspects of the story, however, just don’t make sense.

The tabloid claims that it discovered father Rafiq’s rotten intentions about selling little Rubina, from a close friend and neighbor of the family. So someone who lives in the same slums, bypasses the entire Indian media - newspapers and television and everything, and communicates with a particular British tabloid (looks like this neighbor in the slums was a regular reader of this tabloid and probably quite internet savvy as well). The tabloid then sends its undercover team all the way to India to pose as a Saudi couple and offers to buy the little girl.

That’s a whole lot of of baloney on a tiny shred of bread.

Now, I don’t doubt that Rubina’s closest relatives - her father and uncle and people close to her, are a bunch of jerks who can’t make a dime by themselves and are out to encash this little girl’s 15 minutes in the sun. They are no different than a host of other humans who will resort to anything to make a buck, and have scant regard for words like sanctity, morals, ethics, or even law for that matter.

Still, I find it atrocious that the tabloid went ahead and actually set a trap for the greedy father, putting the little girl in an unusually difficult position, something that will haunt and torment her for the rest of her life. On last night’s Larry King on CNN, the tabloid reps claimed that they did not want to involve Rubina in their trap ad wanted to keep her away from the whole scene. How dumb does that sound when you consider that the middle eastern didn’t meet Rubina’s relatives alone, but did in fact meet Rubina as well.

What do I think really think happened?
I think someone close to Rubina (probably her uncle Rajan More) got together with someone representing the tabloid to hatch an entrapment expose to gain media attention. Did they get that attention? Of course they did.

So let’s see who all have been exploiting this little girl:

1. The producers and directors of Slumdog
2. The Indian media
3. The world media including the stupid tabloid from Britain
4. Rubina’s father, stepmother, mother, uncle
5. Rubina’s neighbors

Come to think of it, that’s pretty much everyone Rubina has met with and been with all her life.

Apr

21

Animal stories

April 21, 2009 posted by indiatime | 3 Comments

Mosquitoes, King Cobra, and elephants - three of India’s everyday animals have made it to the list of 10 deadliest animals. Two of those three are also part of India’s religious routine - King Cobra has a day dedicated to it when millions worship it around mid-monsoon, and the elephant head is of course the most recognizable part of Ganesha, India’s erstwhile deity.

The election fever has put animals in the election fray as well, although India’s election commission has banned using animals as election symbols. So India doesn’t have a political party with an elephant or a donkey for a logo. But it is not uncommon to find politicians campaigning riding on donkeys and horses and even buffaloes.

Most everywhere else, animals are finding it harder to survive, though. In Rajkot, the zookeepers have had to add special fans and water jets to protect animals from the summer sun pushing the celsius scale into mid-forties. Everywhere else, the ubiquitous gas-muzzling cows are getting the flak for global warming, producing methane by tons per minute. Even vultures aren’t safe either, now that scientists from Nagpur have showed the effect of drug poisons from cattle on the nature’s ultimate scavengers. And even Bollywood is up in arms against the animal world - top hero Hrithik Roshan is said to be spending close to 5 thousand dollars per day to invade and destroy the ants in his main residence.

There may be some good news in the air from the avian world, however. Researchers recently ruled out spread of the dreaded avian flu via migratory birds from India. And an Indian drug manufacturer now has an upper hand on a drug patent for the bird flu. Bird lovers in Mumbai are hoping for even better news, stalking pink flamingoes that typically arrive in Mumbai this time of the year in thousands.

Apr

20

Truth telling carpets for criminals like you and me

April 20, 2009 posted by indiatime | 1 Comment

The Times is reporting that Indian scientists are working on ways to tell more about a person’s inner being by watching that person’s walk and stride. The technology promises to aid the law enforcement looking to tell a criminal in a crowd. “…Individuals stepping on strategically placed gait sensor mats would instantly come under surveillance…no human contact will be necessary to catch people who intend to do something mischievous at public places like malls”.

The premise of this interesting theory seems to come from the old pirate movies that feature a pirate with a wooden leg and a hook on his hand. Or maybe from the old horror movies of Bollywood where movie conmen like K. N. Singh walked with suspicious gaits with a walking stick in their hands. Out of that walking stick would spring a knife at the other hand, hurting the unsuspecting movie victim. Not too long ago in the British Indian times, some smart police officers of the north were said to have learnt the technique of remotely identifying dacoits of Chambal ravine, based merely on the trotting of those dacoits’ horses.

That criminals have something suspicious about them has long been a theory. Maybe they blink too much, don’t look at you in your eyes, sweat too much, shake a tad more, emit extra brain waves, and have an implicit imbalance affecting their stride. I think that may have been true of the suspects of the bygone eras. Today’s suspects look right into their victims’ eyes, use anti-perspirants, stand rock solid, hardly flinch during polygraphs, emit confidence alone, and walk like Egyptians.

Doesn’t mean all that research should go waste. India can find better use of those truth-telling mats, not at malls perhaps, but at several other places. Media and newsmen can carry an extra mat with their microphones, and have our celebrities stand on those mats while they do their usual PR stuff. Such mats could be places outside all the doors of India’s parliament, with one cable channel continuously telecasting the suspicious parliamentarians’ inner thoughts. Parents trying to marry their young daughters into arranged marriages with wealthy grooms can find in advance about potential dowry threats as the prospective groom’s family members walk on the strategically placed mats. Housewives might place mats around the house to find out if the husband working late at work has been lusting after a colleague.

But all is not lost. Scientists in the west are busy inventing an invisibility cloak that can make suspects like you and me invisible. Those (like me) who fear that they will have the first bad thought of their lifetime walking along those truth-telling carpets, can rest a little easy, since scientists in the west will probably have the invisibility shawl out before India’s geniuses come out with mats from hell.

Apr

19

Our own peerless playrights

April 19, 2009 posted by indiatime | 1 Comment

Meenakshi Kumar writes today about ‘hamara Shakespeare’, the English genius whose writings are making it into India’s tribal culture and becoming a part of the Indian literary and cultural scene. In the northeastern hills of Mizoram, in the rich theaters of the south, in Bollywood’s repertoire, and everywhere, Shakespeare can easily be found writing scripts for lovers of great stories and plots.

But India’s rich tradition of theater and drama dates much further back, to at least several hundred years earlier, and probably a few millenia. Manohar Varadpande, a noted scholar, has traced it back to the ‘Natyaveda’ - the fifth veda - written by God Brahma himself. Says Varadpande, “The Gods created it to reflect all future actions of the people and to be the meeting place for sciences and arts and to become the giver of wealth, fame, good counsel and knowledge of one’s duty’.

So Brahma the creator took the text from the Rigveda, the music from the Samveda, acting from the Yajurveda and the aesthetic from the Atharvaveda, and wrote a fifth one - the natyaveda. Eventually, another wise man, Bharat Muni rewrote the natyaveda into the earliest available treatise on the subject - the Natyashastra, written a few hundreds years B.C.

Taking hint, many dramatists and writers and poets filled the void in the field of fine arts. Thankfully, their works of art exist to day, and are revered and read around the world. Shudraka’s Mrichhakatikam or The Little Clay Cart is a classic written back in 2nd century, discussing romance between a poor lover and a royal dancer, complicated by a wealthier pursuer in the king’s court. And then came Kalidasa, Shakespeare’s baap (as in a daddy or a grand daddy) from the 4th century, who wrote hauntingly moving pieces of romantic words, including Malawikagnimitram, Vikramoravsheeyam, and of course, Meghadoot - the masterly woven tale about lover’s wait.

Shakespeare would not be born for another millenium. I, too, am a great fan of Shakespeare - the bard. But no offense, Indian culture kicked some major ass back in the 1st millenium before India became the target for outside invaders. Shakespeare was lucky not to have his works burnt by Nazi invaders and Britain was lucky to have a friend from the west who was a good friend in need. India fought the invaders alone and the invaders got plenty of help from inside as well. Because divisiveness, you see, has been a part of Indian culture long before fine arts and natyaveda made it to the scene.

Apr

18

Bend it like chicken and die

April 18, 2009 posted by indiatime | 4 Comments

Shano Khan, an 11-year old youngster studying in a Delhi school, has died after spending 2 days in coma, a complication from a heat stroke she suffered. Failing to translate a word in English, Shano’s 27-year old teacher - ‘Manju Madam’, beat her up and then made Shano stand in Delhi’s hot sun for hours, until little Shano fainted in the intense heat.

“…Her school had reopened after 15 days and she must have forgotten bits of what she had learnt…I cannot believe that the teacher killed my daughter over one word…”, cried Mohammad Ayub Khan, Shano’s grieving father.

But Delhi’s municipal corporation denied the incident, telling the press that Shano died not as a result of the punishment, but because she was prone to seizures. The city government claimed that the little girl had been absent from her classes because of fits and the teacher had nothing to do with the incident. The city government did not say why Shano was standing in the scorching heat, bent like a chicken with heavy bricks on her shoulders, as the rest of her classmates were sitting inside the class learning English alphabets.

What should be done with this stupid teacher? Here are a few suggestions :

1. Shano’s classmates get to throw eggs in the teacher’s face

2. Teacher goes to jail where the other inmates make her stand like a chicken

3. Teacher stands like a chicken and Shano’s parents kick the chicken’s ass

4. Teacher bends like a chicken and does 10 rounds of the 400 meters track.

5. Teacher sits in solitary with no sun in sight for a month

Apr

17

Sex education in India’s schools - 2

April 17, 2009 posted by indiatime | 14 Comments

A few days ago, a parliamentary panel strongly argued against the idea of sex education in India’s schools. “…there should be no sex before marriage which is immoral, unethical and unhealthy…”, said the committee.

No sex before marriage which is immoral, unethical and unhealthy…hmm..that can mean several things.

1. that there can be sex after marriage that is immoral, unethical and unhealthy

2. there can be sex before marriage as long as it is moral, ethical and healthy

3. marriage has nothing to do with sex education

4. sex education should start the night of the marriage

5. sex after marriage is healthy no matter what

6. you can never experience sex if you do not marry

7. not marrying may be unethical, immoral and unhealthy

8. parliamentary panels know best when it comes to morality, ethics and health

9. all parliament members are moral, ethical, and healthy

10. we’d rather let kids learn sex from watching Bollywood movies than from caring and well-trained teachers

11. parents should leave the issue of sex education to the government and let politicians worry about it

12. no sex education is the best sex education

13. no sex is the best sex education

14. parliament wants to tackle the child marriage issue by telling kids not to marry when they are children

The debate about sex education in schools is obviously not a new one, but the government and its panels themselves seem so confused about the issue that they themselves look like the ones in need of those sex education classes in the parliament. Thanks to such parliamentary committees and their impeccable work over last 60 years, India of today is a shining example of ethics, morality and health. Yeah right. Now go do something really unethical and immoral. Vote only for the right candidate in this month’s elections.

Sex education in India’s schools - 1

Apr

16

Election mania

April 16, 2009 posted by indiatime | 6 Comments

Three stories from the world’s greatest democratic circus -

1. Man offers tongue to God for chief minister’s win
A 39-year old Hyderabad man has set new standards for loyalty by offering his tongue to God in return for the re-election of the state’s chief minister. “…I am cutting my tongue as an oblation to Lord Venkateswara praying that both the chief minister and his son should win with thumping majority…”, said C. Mahesh, and then offered his tongue to the Lord. “…He is suffering from a self-inflicted injury and requires immediate plastic surgery…”, said the doctor where Mahesh was transferred after the act. “…He is suffering from a mental disorder and requires serious psychiatric surgery…”, thought Lord Venkateswara.

2. Special Insurance cover for election violence
That’s not some private entrepreneur, but the election commission of India, the sacred independent body of Indian politics, trying to get citizens to vote in areas where violence has marred the election spirit. There are more than 150 constituencies that are being considered for accident benefit schemes and terror coverage plans. Currently, the election officials inside the voting booths are covered, but the voters aren’t. If a voter dies inside a voting booth, the matter will have to be taken up to the district magistrate who will make a judgement on whether the voter died of violence or just from a heart attack while looking at the candidates’ list.

3. Eunuch is offered money to withdraw candidacy
A eunuch contesting the parliamentary polls from a Mumbai suburub, has been offered money to withdraw the candidacy. Has nothing to do with anyone being upset about the eunuch’s gender, it’s because Mangsh alias Manisha Kahadaye has the support of more than 80,000 other eunuchs who consider the candidate to be their mother. The candidate says he’s married to Goddess Yellamma, and solves the problems of 80000 of his followers through the goddess’s blessings. For his own election win however, Khadaye is banking on mouth publicity by all those 80,000 followers. Thankfully for him, none of them have offered their tongues in sacrifice.

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