Sep

21

India, the land of rising divorces

September 21, 2008 posted by indiatime |

“…..There are two dilemmas that rattle the human skull: How do you hang on to someone who won’t stay? And how do you get rid of someone who won’t go?….”
- The War of the Roses

Recently, a Washington Post article lamented about the declining marriages and a rising number of divorces in India. That rapidly changing trend in India’s marital morals, is according to some, very closely related to the increasing empowerment of Indian women. Most Indian metros, including New Delhi, Mumbai and Kolkata have recently seen a spike in divorce applications, with New Delhi leading with 9000 additional applications than yesteryear, Mumbai showing a 40% divorce rate for recent marriages, and Kolkata almost quadrupling its divorce rates.

Almost more than a year ago, I wrote about this very issue, outlining the seemingly irreconcilable differences that seem to spring up everywhere around us, within our families and friends, colleagues and neighbors, across the street and on the frontpages of the local newspapers.

Most experts on the subject matter attribute the change to the newly seen financial independence amongst Indian women, a fact that allows them to make life decisions without the worry of financial ruins. That means not having to stay in troubled relationships, not having to tolerate abusive spouses, and not having to endure years of insults, dependency or neglect.

But do lives get better when people get divorced? Do things improve when bad marriages are flushed down the drain for good? A look at worldwide statistics shows that United States has the highest divorce rate in the world but is not the happiest place on the planet. But the US of A, just like India, is not a good example when it comes to taking a public pulse.

There are 5 countries that make those two lists (highest divorce rates and happiest countries on the planet). Denmark, Sweden, Luxembourg, Finland, Switzerland and Austria. That is an astounding coincidence. Or is it?

Which value is more cherishable then? And which one more perishable? Shouldn’t everyone be allowed their own pursuit of unitary happiness? Or is there a higher ground and a higher meaning in togetherness and marital camaraderie even if it doesn’t always mean harmony and peaceful coexistence?

In his book Marriage and Morals, British philosopher Bertrand Russell, characterized the dilemma as an interplay between an economic system and a sexual system, one, a Marxian and the other, a Freudian concept. That provocative thought from almost 80 years ago, seems to be sinking into an inevitability of a modern India where, it seems to me, the so-called traditional morals and values, will just not make it beyond a decade or two at the most.


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10 Comments so far

  1. Divorce and happiness at Blogbharti on September 21, 2008 2:42 pm

    [...] Indiatime looks at the rising divorce rate in India and the world and refers to some interesting evidence on whether higher divorce rates lead to happier nations. Linked by kuffir. Join Blogbharti facebook group. [...]

  2. India’s first senior citizens blind date convention : It’s Indiatime on September 24, 2008 8:46 am

    [...] India, the land of rising divorces [...]

  3. Parthasarathy on November 5, 2008 6:13 am

    Divorces should become easier and not harder. Couples should NOT be encouraged to pretend to want the marriage to continue, for the sake of the courts. NO FAULT divorce should become the norm, with NO FINANCIAL OBLIGATION to EITHER PARTY, and EQUAL PARENTING rights to both parties. Let us get prepared for the increasing divorces, instead of trying to stop them by legally terrorising the husband and by financial extortion from him. As for future males, they better learn about the anti-male laws and increasing divorce rates, before getting married.

  4. Prassoon Suryadas on December 4, 2008 11:03 am

    Nicely complied article but omitted vital ground realities. The greatest promoter of divorce in India is the Govt backed by NCW. If there is a way to get a hefty sum plus houses and cars overnight even the woman having the greatest husband will try for it, isnt it? Thats what happening in India. Well Govt has provided a handful tools for blackmailing husband. IPC 498a, Domestic Violence Act, CrPC 125 etc are a few of its kind.

    Women are eagerly waiting for their husbands to abuse her or to experience the slightest discomfort to make money. It will not take a decade to reach 50% divorce but I’m sure if Govt is not withdrawing the family killer laws, in less than a decade the concept of marriage will disappear from india. And the NCW very well know that, thats why they want to consider live-in relationship as marriage!!!

  5. Equality on March 21, 2009 12:27 am

    I disagree with some of your comments, Mr. Prassoon Suryadas.

    Where were you when Indian brides were burned alive by their own husbands and his families? What did you or anyone do to stop that? Laws are to protect civilians. Indian women are civilians too. Men should only worry about this law if they are abusive.

    For your comment ….”Women are eagerly waiting for their husbands to abuse her”. I wouldn’t abuse anyone even if they are eagerly waiting for me to abuse them or if I am asked to do so. I strongly believe people who abuse others are doing so because they want to, not because some one is asking or “waiting”.

    Would an Indian man hit his boss in an argument? Then why some men are hitting their wives?

    Think about the below …
    Who is taking dowry, men vs women?
    Who gets to live with their parents?
    Who gets to support (financially and physically) their families (parents and siblings)?
    Who gets to work in families with kids?
    How many days Indian women are allowed to visit her parents?
    Who controls and decides the finances?
    and so on and on ….

    And above all ….
    If one of the spouse in a marriage dies who has more chances of getting re-married?

  6. jitendra on September 17, 2009 7:37 pm

    divorce is the mst holy thing i have ever experienced
    so i advised everyone to fuck and leave girl

  7. Suman Shil on January 26, 2010 5:30 pm

    Wouldn’t it be nice if there are less marriages and less divorce. I am not joking. Many get married to satisfy the physical or emotional hunger. Marriage is only a license for them. They call it “love” But there is very little love in it. Once the passion wares out it is finished. If there could be some way to satisfy the hunger without marriage not many would need marriage.
    Can we think of a time when you can have sex and friendship without getting married; a time when one would not mind if the partner has occasional ‘outings’ with someone else ?
    Wouldn’t it be nice if sex would be freely available to those in need at low cost. Can we think of sex parlours round the corner where men and women would entertain customers are low cost. Many would be happy to have these though they may not say it openly.
    Most of the crimes committed in any country are directly or indirectly related to sex. With free availability of sex, the number of crimes will see a dramatic decrease.
    Men especially can not remain without sex for long. With new found freedom, women’s libido is also rising. So, both men and women would be happy to have free access to sex. We would have a better society if sex could be free. Marriage is a serious matter, meant only for those who want lasting relationship.
    Children are meant only for those who can bring them up decently. It is a crime to have children whom one can not bring up properly. A law should be enforced to require a license before making a baby, to be given only to those who have entered into a permanent relationship and prove their capability to bring up the child with adequate education etc. This would also reduce the population.
    Suman Shil

  8. Jung Bahadur on May 4, 2010 7:52 pm

    Rising economical power in families has made men more greedy and women more freedom loving. Women likes family life but not in Middle Age style. She needs equal freedom and equal burden. She is not happy but within a failed marriage she is a more unhappy creature.

  9. best content on July 11, 2010 1:53 am

    Yah, its true that economic independence of women have brought such high divorce rates because they dont like to tolerate. But husbands are now not ashamed to have extra martial affairs, which they think is cool. Their expectations from their wives in terms of looks have increased which has such outcomes. Earlier men were satisfied with the way a woman looked after marriage. Now, they want a supermodel or atleast an Indian actress, even after she has two kids.

  10. best content on July 11, 2010 2:00 am

    Women also know that they cant live with their parents after a divorce. So, they try to adjust even after being brutally tortured in a marriage. Also, men have higher availability of women these days as a multinational scenario has led to higher exposure of the opposite sex. Not to forget that unemployment and recession have led to an increase in the number of prostitutes. Men have also started treating women as sex objects due to the impact of media.Some multinational female employees don’t consider it immoral to get themselves exploited for a promotion. Even females being economically independent has not changed their condition as men have become more greedy. Also, the gender ratio is adverse but men are now preferring women of other cities also, which has led to a low supply of marriageable men. The worst part is that due to this lack, remarriage rates among divorced men are quite high.

    Apart from that, men and women spend so much time in their jobs that they just don’t understand each other. Money has become the biggest preference.

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